34 weeks

Well this week I approach the 34 week mark, which is halfway through the 3rd trimester. The constant shortness of breath, uncomfortableness, and 1st time Mom anxiety is at its worst right now as I only average about 2-4 hours of sleep a night. I can't help but feel nervous about labor, and becoming a mom and it is something very normal for first time parents to feel this way. We have everything almost ready and I can only prepare myself so much for what my life is about to hand me, the biggest responsiblity someone can possibly have. Personally, I don't think men really understand what women go through. They have it so easy. They don't have to go through pregnancy, or labor, or the after effects of labor. I tend to believe that "men don't become dads until their baby is born", because they really have no idea or the ability to know how we feel or what is going on in our brains throughout this time. It is just another good night sleep and another day for them.

The womans body is an absolute spectacle. I look at pictures of my body before and how small my stomach was and proportinate I was and it is INSANE to me to know how my body has changed and what it has done to me physically and emotionally. I refuse to be one of those mothers who uses the excuse of "oh, I gained so much baby weight and I can't lose it" or just use pregnancy as a general excuse for everything. No.... you take the stroller and you go for a walk with your baby and you lose the weight you put on so that you can feel sexy again. Don't get me wrong, the body of a pregnant woman is a beautiful thing and most might find it sexy in more ways than one, but I can't wait to wear my old clothes again and feel "light" again and hold my baby with a sense of accomplishment. Its hard to see a relationship go through this, especially sexually and the changes you go through. But it is only normal and common for couples to go through this and before you know the passion is revived and alive again and I would expect it to be a whole other level than before.

Responsibility

As I have adapted to the pregnant life for almost 8 months now, I have seen many changes. Obviously you can't drink, smoke, drink too much caffiene, do any crazy activities or pull all nighters like you used to, you really begin to see how limited you are to things. I am not saying that my life was all about drinking and partying, but I do occasionally miss the glass of wine or grabbing a drink when I go out to dinner. It is something that is well worth it, but its funny the feelings you feel throughout this 9 month journey. Like you can't go skiing, or go to amusement parks, or anything like that and I have always enjoyed the outdoor activities.

A part of me is very sad that things had to end up like this that Ivan and I couldn't enjoy just us two together as a couple for awhile and do the crazy things we used to while living together. Our living experience was pretty much done very quickly and forced. It is something that I do wish we could of had and lived together as a newlywed couple. However, I can't regret, because regret will only make me feel grief for my baby to be, because he/she doesn't have the guilt and is not responsible for any of our actions. I can only be 25, take responsiblity for MY actions and Ivan for his and anxiously await my new arrival and lifestyle with a grain of salt. I can't worry about not finishing school as young as I would have liked to be, or that I will have to go back to work right away after my little one is born, or that money is scarce.... Worrying only makes you sick and causes you to play head games. I am positive that things happen the way they are supposed to and nothing, EVER, is a mistake.... I have read this over a million times and said it probably about a hundred times... but NOTHING GOOD COMES EASILY and NOTHING IS A MISTAKE, ONLY EXPERIENCES TO LIVE BY.

XoXoXo

Anxious

Well after my 31 week appointment last Friday, everything is looking good at this point. The baby weights about 3.5 pounds and is in the head down position (which we want to stay that way). This weekend we will take our first class and as the weeks go by, I am getting more and more anxious as there are less than 2 months and my whole life will change forever. I am buying all that I need to be prepared and reading all that I can to be somewhat intelligent for when my little one arrives. Like Ivan and I discussed, no one is ever ready and prepared for their first baby, but the more you read the more confident you will feel and I feel that if you are confident with the baby, the baby can feel that and feel peace.

Other than that, Finals are this week and school will be over and Christmas approaches us next weekend already.

Baby Shower

Well this past Saturday was the baby shower and it was a terrific day. After all the stress, money, and time it turned out great. It was nice and intimate and people were very generous! It looked and sounds like everyone had a good time. Although, some people didn't show up that said they were coming (a few in particular, which I always remember), I enjoyed my day. Going on 31 weeks this week... and Friday we will get to see the little one through an ultra sound.

God bless

xoxo