34 weeks

Well this week I approach the 34 week mark, which is halfway through the 3rd trimester. The constant shortness of breath, uncomfortableness, and 1st time Mom anxiety is at its worst right now as I only average about 2-4 hours of sleep a night. I can't help but feel nervous about labor, and becoming a mom and it is something very normal for first time parents to feel this way. We have everything almost ready and I can only prepare myself so much for what my life is about to hand me, the biggest responsiblity someone can possibly have. Personally, I don't think men really understand what women go through. They have it so easy. They don't have to go through pregnancy, or labor, or the after effects of labor. I tend to believe that "men don't become dads until their baby is born", because they really have no idea or the ability to know how we feel or what is going on in our brains throughout this time. It is just another good night sleep and another day for them.

The womans body is an absolute spectacle. I look at pictures of my body before and how small my stomach was and proportinate I was and it is INSANE to me to know how my body has changed and what it has done to me physically and emotionally. I refuse to be one of those mothers who uses the excuse of "oh, I gained so much baby weight and I can't lose it" or just use pregnancy as a general excuse for everything. No.... you take the stroller and you go for a walk with your baby and you lose the weight you put on so that you can feel sexy again. Don't get me wrong, the body of a pregnant woman is a beautiful thing and most might find it sexy in more ways than one, but I can't wait to wear my old clothes again and feel "light" again and hold my baby with a sense of accomplishment. Its hard to see a relationship go through this, especially sexually and the changes you go through. But it is only normal and common for couples to go through this and before you know the passion is revived and alive again and I would expect it to be a whole other level than before.

Responsibility

As I have adapted to the pregnant life for almost 8 months now, I have seen many changes. Obviously you can't drink, smoke, drink too much caffiene, do any crazy activities or pull all nighters like you used to, you really begin to see how limited you are to things. I am not saying that my life was all about drinking and partying, but I do occasionally miss the glass of wine or grabbing a drink when I go out to dinner. It is something that is well worth it, but its funny the feelings you feel throughout this 9 month journey. Like you can't go skiing, or go to amusement parks, or anything like that and I have always enjoyed the outdoor activities.

A part of me is very sad that things had to end up like this that Ivan and I couldn't enjoy just us two together as a couple for awhile and do the crazy things we used to while living together. Our living experience was pretty much done very quickly and forced. It is something that I do wish we could of had and lived together as a newlywed couple. However, I can't regret, because regret will only make me feel grief for my baby to be, because he/she doesn't have the guilt and is not responsible for any of our actions. I can only be 25, take responsiblity for MY actions and Ivan for his and anxiously await my new arrival and lifestyle with a grain of salt. I can't worry about not finishing school as young as I would have liked to be, or that I will have to go back to work right away after my little one is born, or that money is scarce.... Worrying only makes you sick and causes you to play head games. I am positive that things happen the way they are supposed to and nothing, EVER, is a mistake.... I have read this over a million times and said it probably about a hundred times... but NOTHING GOOD COMES EASILY and NOTHING IS A MISTAKE, ONLY EXPERIENCES TO LIVE BY.

XoXoXo

Anxious

Well after my 31 week appointment last Friday, everything is looking good at this point. The baby weights about 3.5 pounds and is in the head down position (which we want to stay that way). This weekend we will take our first class and as the weeks go by, I am getting more and more anxious as there are less than 2 months and my whole life will change forever. I am buying all that I need to be prepared and reading all that I can to be somewhat intelligent for when my little one arrives. Like Ivan and I discussed, no one is ever ready and prepared for their first baby, but the more you read the more confident you will feel and I feel that if you are confident with the baby, the baby can feel that and feel peace.

Other than that, Finals are this week and school will be over and Christmas approaches us next weekend already.

Baby Shower

Well this past Saturday was the baby shower and it was a terrific day. After all the stress, money, and time it turned out great. It was nice and intimate and people were very generous! It looked and sounds like everyone had a good time. Although, some people didn't show up that said they were coming (a few in particular, which I always remember), I enjoyed my day. Going on 31 weeks this week... and Friday we will get to see the little one through an ultra sound.

God bless

xoxo

Entering 3rd Trimester...

Currently almost 7 months pregnant and the tough times are ahead as I enter into the third trimester. The baby shower is next weekend and the countdown is on as I approach 29 weeks this Thursday. My last blood test came back EXTREMELY low on iron, which makes me anemic. Anemia is pretty much lack of iron in the blood and causes dizzy spells, nausea and fainting. Which can probably describe my fainting episode last month and the close calls lately to fainting. It feels horrible. I feel cold sweats, dizziness and its like I am just going to topple over and collapse. The only cure is to take iron supplements and eat foods high in iron, which I am beginning to do.

The baby is active more than ever. I swear sometimes when I lay down and he/she kicks I can feel parts of its body, like a foot, elbow, arm. It is so crazy and puts a smile on my face everytime. As we get the baby room ready, it all is starting to feel so blurry as if I cannot comprehend that in a few months I will be mommy. It just seems so surreal. The room is painted and we are working on it slowly, but surely. It truly is a blessing to become a parent and have the opportunity to nurture a little one, as many women/men are not given the gift to reproduce. I have always wanted a large family, so this is just beginning....

The World of Women

Going way off topic today. I am going to talk about girls. I absolutely hate when girls say "Ohhh, I don't need a boyfriend or I love being single". No, who are you kidding? Either you haven't met the right man yet, or something is just wrong with you so you can't get one. So ridiculous. Who are they trying to impress? That is not the representation of "women power". The power of a woman is most admired, powerful and utilized IN A RELATIONSHIP. Where you are stripped of all your pride, and you will do anything for the other person. That is power. Power is a loyal strong girlfriend, wife, or mother that stands up for what they believe in and raises their family with gratitude. I absolutely can't stand girls these days and their naiveness and lack of integrity. Believe me, I am not the sharpest crayon in the box, but I am trying.

Anyways, my point in this is that women AND men need to start reading more and stop watching novelas or reality shows that show misrepresentation after misrepresentation. I have always lived and understood that a "womens instinct is the best advice and gift she can have", and it has helped me in the past and in my present and my instinct is ALWAYS correct. Start trusting your instinct and act on it. If you don't act on your instinct, you are putting to waste your most precious gift a woman has, and her power.

You look on Facebook and girls represent themselves with pictures after pictures with a glasses and shots of alcohol, or who can wear the most sluttiest Halloween costume to attract the most guys. Your not going to pull a guy with that image. Girls go to a club with an intention to look for love, but then when the guy just wants your number to hook up cause you look easy and leave you, your heart broken and the women's image is more and more depleated as they do this cause the man took away your power.  I have a very close friend who thinks that by wearing the shortest dress and showing the most cleavage will make a man fall in love with her and the poor girl has never been in a relationship and probably never will be, because of this portrait she shows of herself. Well, now that I think about it I met Ivan in a short, tight dress with a drink in my hand, but we weren't serious for a long time after that.

I pray everyday, I will be a good example to my children and will be able to provide them the appropiate advice they need when they ask for it.

Whiplash

Last night after having a conversation with Ivan's oldest brother, Saul, I really got to thinking. Saul and his wife just had their first baby this past summer and their lives have changed in the most drastic measure. Saul mentioned to Ivan and myself the fast whiplash that we will be hit with very shortly in our lives. No sleep, no free time, no spare money, no time for friends and the importance of communication and love betwen the two of us. Obviously it won't be like this forever but for the next year we are going to be hit with a tornado of change. Saul last night confirmed my anxiety is a reality and I am going to be faced with things I have never experienced or felt before, but ALL will be worth it because at the end of the day, when everyone is tucked into their beds at night and safe, you smile, look at you partner and feel accomplished.

Now on the other side of the spectrum, my friends. My friends of almost more than 20 years are completely lost and everytime I talk to them I hit a low. But at the same time I feel sooooo good. They tell me "they are jealous, envy, excited, etc" of me because they are so far from where I am, but I am also so far from them also. Being that they are continuing their education without any ties and able to do as they please. I don't miss the "free, single, drunken, late, careless, sleepless" nights, but I do miss the fact that my schooling will be pushed back even more now. But what gets me the most is they are so lost in the aspect of their own being. They are soooo lost. I can't relate to them in the least bit actually at all. And as time goes by, you really tend to stick to those you relate with or feel have matured with you and that is what I have been doing. Adjusting to my new lifestyle, and patiently waiting for my new arrival.


Hugs and kisses
xoxo

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