Catching up

Haven't been on here in quite some time. It seems like the weeks just fly by, literally. Between work, Eva, school, etc. Eva is already going on 9 months. Happy, but so sad at the same time. It is in inevitable feeling that she is growing up so fast. I am taking every advantage of being able to HOLD HER while I can, before she walks and wants to be on her own. Being a Mom is the life's grandest privilege. I am so blessed to be Eva's mom. Everybody reminds me how adorable, and loving she is, and all I can do is smile. She is just astonishingly beautiful. I look at her, and I still cannot believe she is mine. Even 9 months later the thought is overbearing. I am so in love with my little bundle of joy. I am a completely different person. I love being home on the weekend evenings and being with her, watching her explore with her toys, and her silly noises. It gives me a satisfactory feeling that nothing else can give me. Her little face is just so kissable, and squeezable and I cannot get enough of her. 

Life has had no meaning whatsoever until I had Eva. She gives me hope to be a better person, mother, daughter (now, I completely understand my Mother's wise words growing up), and overall human being. I would take a bullet for her, no doubt. Not a sense of doubt even crosses my mind that I wouldn't. My life is Eva, and I cannot thank God enough for the love he has given me through her. 


I started a blog about her, where you can see pictures.
Tumblr-evavalentine


Other than that, school is school, and relationships are relationships. Nothing really exciting. Just trying to finish up my school, so I can extend my education elsewhere. 

Until next time :)

Eva

Life has changed drastically since my last post, about 2 months ago on my blog. I haven't really found the perfect chunk of time to sit and write about this fantastic journey I have began of motherhood until now. My little valentine, Eva Leanne Gomez, was born on February 14, 2012 at 10:34 p.m. It was a long, strenuous, and anxious delivery, but I got through it and received my perfect Valentine gift, my daughter. She is beautiful, and reminds me a lot of myself, physically and emotionally. I never thought throughout my whole pregnancy I was carrying a girl, but little did we know, we were all taken by a surprise when we finally got to meet her.

Labor. It is everything people say it is. I came down to the point in my 19 hour delivery that my own techniques for breathing, and staying calm, and focused were going to suit me best. So, I erased my memory of everything I had learned in our childbirth class, all that I had read on the internet, and all the stories that my fellow mothers have chatted to me about. I needed to get through it MY way. When I finally got to the pushing stage of labor, I was exhausted and literally just wanted to sleep the day away, but NO, I was determined as ever to finish strong and successful. As I pushed and reached the last couple steps and I heard the first cries it was ALL worth it. Like everybody says, it was worth every bit of pregnancy, labor, and delivery. Now.. I just couldn't wait to get out of the hospital.

Two days later, we finally got to go home and take our little one with us. Petrifying, but exciting. The first few weeks were tough, impatient, long, and irritating. Thank God I had my mother there with us to spare me a few hours of sleep every now and then. But once she left, it was all Ivan and I. Patience is key. Once you find your patience and learn to cope with it, your golden. And I think I have found it,  and Ivan has also. Eva is an excellent sleeper, and I have only felt sleep deprived a few times, but nothing I could seriously complain about compared to other people I have heard from.

Eva is my everything. She is absolutely breathtaking in every sense of the word and in every way, shape and form. I miss her when I leave the house for just an hour or two. It is crazy to think that this little human being relies on me and Ivan for EVERYTHING. That she needs me as much as she does. That I made her. That she recognized my face and voice at such a young age. That she smiles back at me and leaves me the most amazing happiness. She is a miracle, and she is mine. I am going to miss her extremely much when I go back to work in a couple weeks, and I just hope that I don't miss too much of her growing up.

I can't wait to share our lives together, and get to know her more every single day as she grows up and that I am the one she will call "Mom", just like I did with my own.

I love you Eva Leanne Gomez <3 Love your mother.....

Women > Men

This week I will complete a full term pregnancy of 40 weeks if I make it to Thursday. At this point in time, the baby could decide to come at anytime. I feel so mentally and emotionally ready that all I want is the day to come and feel that happiness that everyone describes to me. As I was speaking to my oldest brother-in-law last night, he told me with his arm around my shoulder in the most uttermost confidence and it was so clear to see that his little boy brings him so much sunshine to his life, even when he comes home from a long work day or wakes up from a 2 hour night sleep. He explained to me that I really have no idea what is headed my way in regards to experiencing a love so deep, so eternal, and so vast. I can't wait to meet you, neither can your Grandma.... 


On another note, I felt some other emotions take their toll on me that I haven't felt in some time. And I have to admit that it has felt pretty good to have a such a long break from these emotions. However, I Have so many unanswered questions. Why are people out to destroy others happiness? Why don't people take their own lives by the reigns and fix them if their so unhappy? Why break others? What has happened to peoples values, respect or morals? Why is it SO hard to just trust others? Why does temptation always persist? Are people just NOT happy with one person anymore? Is marriage torture more than fulfillment? Why must one always watch ones back? I feel simply embarrassed and like I want to throw up in my mouth with the actions that have been done. I have been raised by two amazing, supportive, loving, caring, forgiving, exceptional, and over the top intelligent parents who have taught me to remain faithful in my relationships, respectful (which I sometimes forget how to be, but the important thing is my awareness of that), and remain happy with my own self. Its time to look in the mirror and think rationally, and you can only think rationally if with a clear head and once you have a clear mind I recommend these measures to guide you.... 


All I can do is offer these advices to you...
5 Rules to Your own Happiness
1. Free your heart from hatred
2. Free your mind from worries
3. Live simply
4. Give more
5. Expect less


"Some people feel the rain, while others just get wet" - Bob Marley 

36 Weeks

My pregnancy is coming to an end. It has been a long 9 months, but at the same I feel like time has passed like the blink of an eye. It has been quite the experience, and something I will never forget for the rest of my life. I moved into our little "casita" with my fiance, Ivan and we have fortunately been able to be together throughout the whole experience. I lived through my 25th birthday, Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Years, etc without one sip of alcohol and well.... I didn't really party much! All the aches and pains, sleepless nights, heartburn, alterations with eating, uncomfortableness, fainting episodes, headaches, being sick and not being able to take any medicine, shortness of breaths, not fitting into ANY clothes, etc has been very interesting and I give so much respect to all the women who have beared children and to all those who will in the future. It is a beautiful experience to carry a child and be able to know you have something SO worth suffering and waiting for, especially when this little person will be composed of you and the person you love and a bond will be made that can never be broken. Im ready to take this next chapter of my life and enjoy it to the maximum.

34 weeks

Well this week I approach the 34 week mark, which is halfway through the 3rd trimester. The constant shortness of breath, uncomfortableness, and 1st time Mom anxiety is at its worst right now as I only average about 2-4 hours of sleep a night. I can't help but feel nervous about labor, and becoming a mom and it is something very normal for first time parents to feel this way. We have everything almost ready and I can only prepare myself so much for what my life is about to hand me, the biggest responsiblity someone can possibly have. Personally, I don't think men really understand what women go through. They have it so easy. They don't have to go through pregnancy, or labor, or the after effects of labor. I tend to believe that "men don't become dads until their baby is born", because they really have no idea or the ability to know how we feel or what is going on in our brains throughout this time. It is just another good night sleep and another day for them.

The womans body is an absolute spectacle. I look at pictures of my body before and how small my stomach was and proportinate I was and it is INSANE to me to know how my body has changed and what it has done to me physically and emotionally. I refuse to be one of those mothers who uses the excuse of "oh, I gained so much baby weight and I can't lose it" or just use pregnancy as a general excuse for everything. No.... you take the stroller and you go for a walk with your baby and you lose the weight you put on so that you can feel sexy again. Don't get me wrong, the body of a pregnant woman is a beautiful thing and most might find it sexy in more ways than one, but I can't wait to wear my old clothes again and feel "light" again and hold my baby with a sense of accomplishment. Its hard to see a relationship go through this, especially sexually and the changes you go through. But it is only normal and common for couples to go through this and before you know the passion is revived and alive again and I would expect it to be a whole other level than before.

Responsibility

As I have adapted to the pregnant life for almost 8 months now, I have seen many changes. Obviously you can't drink, smoke, drink too much caffiene, do any crazy activities or pull all nighters like you used to, you really begin to see how limited you are to things. I am not saying that my life was all about drinking and partying, but I do occasionally miss the glass of wine or grabbing a drink when I go out to dinner. It is something that is well worth it, but its funny the feelings you feel throughout this 9 month journey. Like you can't go skiing, or go to amusement parks, or anything like that and I have always enjoyed the outdoor activities.

A part of me is very sad that things had to end up like this that Ivan and I couldn't enjoy just us two together as a couple for awhile and do the crazy things we used to while living together. Our living experience was pretty much done very quickly and forced. It is something that I do wish we could of had and lived together as a newlywed couple. However, I can't regret, because regret will only make me feel grief for my baby to be, because he/she doesn't have the guilt and is not responsible for any of our actions. I can only be 25, take responsiblity for MY actions and Ivan for his and anxiously await my new arrival and lifestyle with a grain of salt. I can't worry about not finishing school as young as I would have liked to be, or that I will have to go back to work right away after my little one is born, or that money is scarce.... Worrying only makes you sick and causes you to play head games. I am positive that things happen the way they are supposed to and nothing, EVER, is a mistake.... I have read this over a million times and said it probably about a hundred times... but NOTHING GOOD COMES EASILY and NOTHING IS A MISTAKE, ONLY EXPERIENCES TO LIVE BY.

XoXoXo

Anxious

Well after my 31 week appointment last Friday, everything is looking good at this point. The baby weights about 3.5 pounds and is in the head down position (which we want to stay that way). This weekend we will take our first class and as the weeks go by, I am getting more and more anxious as there are less than 2 months and my whole life will change forever. I am buying all that I need to be prepared and reading all that I can to be somewhat intelligent for when my little one arrives. Like Ivan and I discussed, no one is ever ready and prepared for their first baby, but the more you read the more confident you will feel and I feel that if you are confident with the baby, the baby can feel that and feel peace.

Other than that, Finals are this week and school will be over and Christmas approaches us next weekend already.

Baby Shower

Well this past Saturday was the baby shower and it was a terrific day. After all the stress, money, and time it turned out great. It was nice and intimate and people were very generous! It looked and sounds like everyone had a good time. Although, some people didn't show up that said they were coming (a few in particular, which I always remember), I enjoyed my day. Going on 31 weeks this week... and Friday we will get to see the little one through an ultra sound.

God bless

xoxo

Entering 3rd Trimester...

Currently almost 7 months pregnant and the tough times are ahead as I enter into the third trimester. The baby shower is next weekend and the countdown is on as I approach 29 weeks this Thursday. My last blood test came back EXTREMELY low on iron, which makes me anemic. Anemia is pretty much lack of iron in the blood and causes dizzy spells, nausea and fainting. Which can probably describe my fainting episode last month and the close calls lately to fainting. It feels horrible. I feel cold sweats, dizziness and its like I am just going to topple over and collapse. The only cure is to take iron supplements and eat foods high in iron, which I am beginning to do.

The baby is active more than ever. I swear sometimes when I lay down and he/she kicks I can feel parts of its body, like a foot, elbow, arm. It is so crazy and puts a smile on my face everytime. As we get the baby room ready, it all is starting to feel so blurry as if I cannot comprehend that in a few months I will be mommy. It just seems so surreal. The room is painted and we are working on it slowly, but surely. It truly is a blessing to become a parent and have the opportunity to nurture a little one, as many women/men are not given the gift to reproduce. I have always wanted a large family, so this is just beginning....

The World of Women

Going way off topic today. I am going to talk about girls. I absolutely hate when girls say "Ohhh, I don't need a boyfriend or I love being single". No, who are you kidding? Either you haven't met the right man yet, or something is just wrong with you so you can't get one. So ridiculous. Who are they trying to impress? That is not the representation of "women power". The power of a woman is most admired, powerful and utilized IN A RELATIONSHIP. Where you are stripped of all your pride, and you will do anything for the other person. That is power. Power is a loyal strong girlfriend, wife, or mother that stands up for what they believe in and raises their family with gratitude. I absolutely can't stand girls these days and their naiveness and lack of integrity. Believe me, I am not the sharpest crayon in the box, but I am trying.

Anyways, my point in this is that women AND men need to start reading more and stop watching novelas or reality shows that show misrepresentation after misrepresentation. I have always lived and understood that a "womens instinct is the best advice and gift she can have", and it has helped me in the past and in my present and my instinct is ALWAYS correct. Start trusting your instinct and act on it. If you don't act on your instinct, you are putting to waste your most precious gift a woman has, and her power.

You look on Facebook and girls represent themselves with pictures after pictures with a glasses and shots of alcohol, or who can wear the most sluttiest Halloween costume to attract the most guys. Your not going to pull a guy with that image. Girls go to a club with an intention to look for love, but then when the guy just wants your number to hook up cause you look easy and leave you, your heart broken and the women's image is more and more depleated as they do this cause the man took away your power.  I have a very close friend who thinks that by wearing the shortest dress and showing the most cleavage will make a man fall in love with her and the poor girl has never been in a relationship and probably never will be, because of this portrait she shows of herself. Well, now that I think about it I met Ivan in a short, tight dress with a drink in my hand, but we weren't serious for a long time after that.

I pray everyday, I will be a good example to my children and will be able to provide them the appropiate advice they need when they ask for it.

Whiplash

Last night after having a conversation with Ivan's oldest brother, Saul, I really got to thinking. Saul and his wife just had their first baby this past summer and their lives have changed in the most drastic measure. Saul mentioned to Ivan and myself the fast whiplash that we will be hit with very shortly in our lives. No sleep, no free time, no spare money, no time for friends and the importance of communication and love betwen the two of us. Obviously it won't be like this forever but for the next year we are going to be hit with a tornado of change. Saul last night confirmed my anxiety is a reality and I am going to be faced with things I have never experienced or felt before, but ALL will be worth it because at the end of the day, when everyone is tucked into their beds at night and safe, you smile, look at you partner and feel accomplished.

Now on the other side of the spectrum, my friends. My friends of almost more than 20 years are completely lost and everytime I talk to them I hit a low. But at the same time I feel sooooo good. They tell me "they are jealous, envy, excited, etc" of me because they are so far from where I am, but I am also so far from them also. Being that they are continuing their education without any ties and able to do as they please. I don't miss the "free, single, drunken, late, careless, sleepless" nights, but I do miss the fact that my schooling will be pushed back even more now. But what gets me the most is they are so lost in the aspect of their own being. They are soooo lost. I can't relate to them in the least bit actually at all. And as time goes by, you really tend to stick to those you relate with or feel have matured with you and that is what I have been doing. Adjusting to my new lifestyle, and patiently waiting for my new arrival.


Hugs and kisses
xoxo

\

5 1/2 months

Currently going on 24 weeks, almost 6 months. Time is absolutely speeding passed me and tomorrow I will go to the Doctor again for my monthly check up. I do like being pregnant, but gosh the back pain, the constant tiredness and just being "big" is quite uncomfortable. I have to sleep in certain positions to be comfortable and I am very limited in the clothing department. I am currently organizing the baby shower that will be in December, so much to do....

School sucks, I hate my Chemistry class because it is quite difficult and my Professor is horrible at lecturing. And at this point I am just over school, I have so many other things on my mind I find it extremely hard to focus on school work and in class. Just have to get through this semester and then take one off when the baby is born and spend as much time with him/her possible. I am not a school person, I love to educate myself through books and other things, but I just hate school and the courses I have to take right now. I feel like I go to school and there is always so many classes left to take and its never ending.... and Im not even halfway done with my education.

Here are the most recent pictures of my belly. I have of course gotten a tiny bit bigger, but these were taken quite recently. Currently I am 23 weeks, 5 days and not craving much of anything :(

Fall is Here...

Today is raining and cold, grey and black. En este mundo todo me da igual y ya quiero conocer al nuevo amor de mi vida... mi bebe. 4 meses mas para esperar....

Halfway

Currently I sit in a coffee shop on a Sunday morning with Ivan. I have a diamond ring on my left hand  signifying that I am engaged and Ivan is now my fiance. I am still getting used to the idea. It is funny when people ask "when is the wedding?" because to be quite honest, I have not even thought a milli-second about it other than I want a small, intimate, romantic wedding on the beach and a mariachi band definitely during the ceremony and in the reception. My mind is so focused on moving into our new little casita and the baby (where my mind should be). 


I am amazed at how time has been flying by. I am already at the halfway mark of my pregnancy which is 20 weeks, this Thursday I will be 21 weeks. Mid second trimester and feeling pretty good overall. On Friday we went had a mid pregnancy ultra sound done and we got to see the baby up close. Everything is going well according to the Doctor it is so hard to believe how much bigger my belly gets everyday. Every morning when I wake up that is probably the first thing I do is check on the improvement of the belly's growth. At almost 5 months, I am blown away that in 4 months Ivan and I will be parents and we will have a new addition. It won't just be the two of us from now on. The next couple months will consist of maternity clothes and buying "cositas" for the new baby and planning a baby shower. 


My mom is overjoyed with becoming a Grandma, and I am realizing what type of family I really have during these times. Good and bad. I am happy with Ivan, I am happy with the fact that we are engaged, future parents, study partners and best friends. Yes best friends. 


Here are some pictures of the recent ultra sound. 

1+1

This song is so beautiful....

http://youtu.be/KaasJ44O5lI

End of Summer

Well we are approaching the end of August and before we know it, its September again. My birthday month. I can't believe ill be 25 in a few weeks. Lots of things have happened. School started again this week and this last weekend Ivanne moved into their first new little house in Buena Park. It is nice to be with Ivan now and it feels like its becoming real. My baby bump is slowly growing as I can't believe i'll be 4 months next week. I feel good for the most part, except for the terrible and annoying headaches. That is my only complaint. But yes, for the most part feeling pretty good. Definetely better than the 1st trimester. According to the Doctor everything is going well so far and next month we will be able to find the sex, but of course, we have decided to keep it a surprise till the very end. At the halfway point we will get to see the baby in FULL via the ultra sound :)


It is very bone chilling to look at my stomach and see it slowly grow and get harder and harder each day. And to think that in 5 months I will be a Mom is a mind blowing concept.

Best wishes to a sucessful Fall semester and another month of healthy pregnancy....

Engagement

There are many events in a woman's life she plays through her head a thousand times and waits for the day that it might happen to her. Well, two of those moments has had happened to me recently. Obviously finding out I was pregnant with my first child was one and last night the other occured. A proposal from Ivan. It's funny because I still remember the night I met Ivan and distinctly remember saying to my friend on the way home that evening "I think I met the man I am going to marry". I was 21, intoxicated, with little knowledge of what "love" really was, but somehow I knew I had met him. Through all the ups and downs over the course of the years, Ivan and I have made it through the storms and breakdowns and remain strong. Well as of yesterday, officially he is my fiance and will be the father of my child. Without doubt, I couldn't ask for anyone else.


The ring is absolutely beautiful, It took my breath away. And you know... even though you know the moment is coming (in my case sooner than later), when you see your boyfriend on their knee with a ring it absolutely catches you in a moment you will never forget. Everytime I think of it, a tear comes to my eye. From this day forward, I will always remember August 10, 2011 as my engagement day and 1,000 steps was the place where I got proposed to. Oh, and the song he played will always be remembered in another way also "castate conmigo" by Reyli. I am so in love and nothing feels greater than this feeling and what awaits us in our future.  My days as "Leanne Grant" are few...

Te amo Ivancito xoxoxo

1st Trimester Final Stretch

Yesterday I had my last 1st Trimester visit where they performed a special ultra sound and I got to see the baby very close and all its details! I still can't believe this. I am approximately 12 weeks and the baby appears to be growing at great speed. We won't know for sure exactly how baby is doing though until 20 weeks, so 2 more appointments. However, next month we will be able to hear the baby heartbeat :)
It is so overwhelming. I wake up and I realize I have someone new to live for and I am so blessed I have been given the opportunity to become a mother. I can't wait to fill my home with overflowing love and give Ivan so much love :) Lots of changes about to happen, we will be moving next month and starting school again. Keep smiling....

Wonderwall

http://pl.st/s/350393105

Just to Name a few....

Alebrijes. Downtown Fullerton. El Calor. Parking structures. Manjar Mistico. "Damaged"-Danity Kane. "Please Don't Stop the Music"- Rihanna. La Guera del oc. Adios Mother fucker and grey goose and soda.  Tercero Lounge. "Hey i'm outside". Kissing for hours outside of my old Lake Forest apartment. Lalo's house (when I left my underwear). Iron Man. Xalos. Tapout shirt. Meeting you at Carmax at the spot at 1am. OC Fair (we didn't even make it 1 hour). Bruno. Haunted House. Me falling at Saul's old apartment in the dark. Lucy's Wedding. 23rd Birthday in Vegas. "I love you". Meeting the parents. Vegas 3 times in one month. "Text me when you get home". Acapulco. Cristo Rey. Leon. La serenata. Callejon del beso. Chim chim. "Your the one". Leon soccer game. Picking you up from TJ airport. Valentines Day in Chinatown. Hikes. "Pero vente para aca" Skiing. Coming over after work. Key is under the mat. Catalina Island.  Golf cart madness. Olamendis. Winning the egg toss at company picnic. Six flags. Del Mar fair. Your 24th Bday party. The birdie game. Venice beach. Roma's wedding in Leon. Lyndsays couch and movie nights. Cooking dinner together. Dodger games. Surprise picnic at the beach. San Francisco Marathon. Leon games in TJ. Laugh Factory. Christmas lights. Christmas Cookie decorating.  Ti Amo. Sushi. "Let me tell you a little story... there once was this little girl....". Halloween in Vegas. Phantom of the Opera. Crown and coke. Mariachis in LA. Los Tres concierto. Beach at night. Indian food. Peruvian food. Poker games. Ducks game. Ice skating in Santa Monica. Universal Studios. Black Swan. San Juan mission. LA marathon. Cirque de Soleil in Long Beach. Cruise. Miami. Miniature Golfing. Leannsita.

AHORA QUE......