Women > Men

This week I will complete a full term pregnancy of 40 weeks if I make it to Thursday. At this point in time, the baby could decide to come at anytime. I feel so mentally and emotionally ready that all I want is the day to come and feel that happiness that everyone describes to me. As I was speaking to my oldest brother-in-law last night, he told me with his arm around my shoulder in the most uttermost confidence and it was so clear to see that his little boy brings him so much sunshine to his life, even when he comes home from a long work day or wakes up from a 2 hour night sleep. He explained to me that I really have no idea what is headed my way in regards to experiencing a love so deep, so eternal, and so vast. I can't wait to meet you, neither can your Grandma.... 


On another note, I felt some other emotions take their toll on me that I haven't felt in some time. And I have to admit that it has felt pretty good to have a such a long break from these emotions. However, I Have so many unanswered questions. Why are people out to destroy others happiness? Why don't people take their own lives by the reigns and fix them if their so unhappy? Why break others? What has happened to peoples values, respect or morals? Why is it SO hard to just trust others? Why does temptation always persist? Are people just NOT happy with one person anymore? Is marriage torture more than fulfillment? Why must one always watch ones back? I feel simply embarrassed and like I want to throw up in my mouth with the actions that have been done. I have been raised by two amazing, supportive, loving, caring, forgiving, exceptional, and over the top intelligent parents who have taught me to remain faithful in my relationships, respectful (which I sometimes forget how to be, but the important thing is my awareness of that), and remain happy with my own self. Its time to look in the mirror and think rationally, and you can only think rationally if with a clear head and once you have a clear mind I recommend these measures to guide you.... 


All I can do is offer these advices to you...
5 Rules to Your own Happiness
1. Free your heart from hatred
2. Free your mind from worries
3. Live simply
4. Give more
5. Expect less


"Some people feel the rain, while others just get wet" - Bob Marley 

36 Weeks

My pregnancy is coming to an end. It has been a long 9 months, but at the same I feel like time has passed like the blink of an eye. It has been quite the experience, and something I will never forget for the rest of my life. I moved into our little "casita" with my fiance, Ivan and we have fortunately been able to be together throughout the whole experience. I lived through my 25th birthday, Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Years, etc without one sip of alcohol and well.... I didn't really party much! All the aches and pains, sleepless nights, heartburn, alterations with eating, uncomfortableness, fainting episodes, headaches, being sick and not being able to take any medicine, shortness of breaths, not fitting into ANY clothes, etc has been very interesting and I give so much respect to all the women who have beared children and to all those who will in the future. It is a beautiful experience to carry a child and be able to know you have something SO worth suffering and waiting for, especially when this little person will be composed of you and the person you love and a bond will be made that can never be broken. Im ready to take this next chapter of my life and enjoy it to the maximum.

34 weeks

Well this week I approach the 34 week mark, which is halfway through the 3rd trimester. The constant shortness of breath, uncomfortableness, and 1st time Mom anxiety is at its worst right now as I only average about 2-4 hours of sleep a night. I can't help but feel nervous about labor, and becoming a mom and it is something very normal for first time parents to feel this way. We have everything almost ready and I can only prepare myself so much for what my life is about to hand me, the biggest responsiblity someone can possibly have. Personally, I don't think men really understand what women go through. They have it so easy. They don't have to go through pregnancy, or labor, or the after effects of labor. I tend to believe that "men don't become dads until their baby is born", because they really have no idea or the ability to know how we feel or what is going on in our brains throughout this time. It is just another good night sleep and another day for them.

The womans body is an absolute spectacle. I look at pictures of my body before and how small my stomach was and proportinate I was and it is INSANE to me to know how my body has changed and what it has done to me physically and emotionally. I refuse to be one of those mothers who uses the excuse of "oh, I gained so much baby weight and I can't lose it" or just use pregnancy as a general excuse for everything. No.... you take the stroller and you go for a walk with your baby and you lose the weight you put on so that you can feel sexy again. Don't get me wrong, the body of a pregnant woman is a beautiful thing and most might find it sexy in more ways than one, but I can't wait to wear my old clothes again and feel "light" again and hold my baby with a sense of accomplishment. Its hard to see a relationship go through this, especially sexually and the changes you go through. But it is only normal and common for couples to go through this and before you know the passion is revived and alive again and I would expect it to be a whole other level than before.

Responsibility

As I have adapted to the pregnant life for almost 8 months now, I have seen many changes. Obviously you can't drink, smoke, drink too much caffiene, do any crazy activities or pull all nighters like you used to, you really begin to see how limited you are to things. I am not saying that my life was all about drinking and partying, but I do occasionally miss the glass of wine or grabbing a drink when I go out to dinner. It is something that is well worth it, but its funny the feelings you feel throughout this 9 month journey. Like you can't go skiing, or go to amusement parks, or anything like that and I have always enjoyed the outdoor activities.

A part of me is very sad that things had to end up like this that Ivan and I couldn't enjoy just us two together as a couple for awhile and do the crazy things we used to while living together. Our living experience was pretty much done very quickly and forced. It is something that I do wish we could of had and lived together as a newlywed couple. However, I can't regret, because regret will only make me feel grief for my baby to be, because he/she doesn't have the guilt and is not responsible for any of our actions. I can only be 25, take responsiblity for MY actions and Ivan for his and anxiously await my new arrival and lifestyle with a grain of salt. I can't worry about not finishing school as young as I would have liked to be, or that I will have to go back to work right away after my little one is born, or that money is scarce.... Worrying only makes you sick and causes you to play head games. I am positive that things happen the way they are supposed to and nothing, EVER, is a mistake.... I have read this over a million times and said it probably about a hundred times... but NOTHING GOOD COMES EASILY and NOTHING IS A MISTAKE, ONLY EXPERIENCES TO LIVE BY.

XoXoXo

Anxious

Well after my 31 week appointment last Friday, everything is looking good at this point. The baby weights about 3.5 pounds and is in the head down position (which we want to stay that way). This weekend we will take our first class and as the weeks go by, I am getting more and more anxious as there are less than 2 months and my whole life will change forever. I am buying all that I need to be prepared and reading all that I can to be somewhat intelligent for when my little one arrives. Like Ivan and I discussed, no one is ever ready and prepared for their first baby, but the more you read the more confident you will feel and I feel that if you are confident with the baby, the baby can feel that and feel peace.

Other than that, Finals are this week and school will be over and Christmas approaches us next weekend already.

Baby Shower

Well this past Saturday was the baby shower and it was a terrific day. After all the stress, money, and time it turned out great. It was nice and intimate and people were very generous! It looked and sounds like everyone had a good time. Although, some people didn't show up that said they were coming (a few in particular, which I always remember), I enjoyed my day. Going on 31 weeks this week... and Friday we will get to see the little one through an ultra sound.

God bless

xoxo

Entering 3rd Trimester...

Currently almost 7 months pregnant and the tough times are ahead as I enter into the third trimester. The baby shower is next weekend and the countdown is on as I approach 29 weeks this Thursday. My last blood test came back EXTREMELY low on iron, which makes me anemic. Anemia is pretty much lack of iron in the blood and causes dizzy spells, nausea and fainting. Which can probably describe my fainting episode last month and the close calls lately to fainting. It feels horrible. I feel cold sweats, dizziness and its like I am just going to topple over and collapse. The only cure is to take iron supplements and eat foods high in iron, which I am beginning to do.

The baby is active more than ever. I swear sometimes when I lay down and he/she kicks I can feel parts of its body, like a foot, elbow, arm. It is so crazy and puts a smile on my face everytime. As we get the baby room ready, it all is starting to feel so blurry as if I cannot comprehend that in a few months I will be mommy. It just seems so surreal. The room is painted and we are working on it slowly, but surely. It truly is a blessing to become a parent and have the opportunity to nurture a little one, as many women/men are not given the gift to reproduce. I have always wanted a large family, so this is just beginning....